Sunday, January 3, 2010

laughing until it hurts

Yesterday was THE best day I have had in months. MONTHS. I actually laughed a heartfelt laugh out loud...more than once. It felt good, and beautiful, and right. I laughed until my stomach felt like it had just finished 100 crunches, until I couldn't see through the tears, until all the bad felt like it had vanished. It felt good. It makes me feel like there is hope to getting out of my slump, that soon, I won't have to put on my fake pretty face when I feel it's necessary. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and you can tell my mood simply by looking at my face, so it's been hard LOOKING like I'm fine and feeling better. The truth is I am still struggling to FEEL good. Not great, but good. But yesterday.... I felt REALLY good. Happy to just be. Happy in my messy house, with my trouble making kids, with my sleepy baby that won't go to sleep, with my not so good self. I have so much work to do in order to change how I am, but days like yesterday give me hope that I can push through this low point and remember how to lay everything at my Savior's feet. I have somewhere along the way forgotten how to rely solely on Jesus. I want to get back to that place where I am faithful, where I am an obedient child, where I am a great mom, a great wife, a great friend, sister, aunt, person. Laughing til it hurt yesterday gave me the lift I needed. I truly look forward to today...

{at his father's feet}

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