Wednesday, January 20, 2010

slowly but surely

I haven't posted anything in a while. And right now, my big kids are playing outside in this beautiful weather and I'm starting dinner in just a few minutes. So I thought I'd write a little something while I had the chance. First of all, my whole house cleaning/overhaul thing is going pretty good. Only two rooms left to go through. Seriously, how do we let so much crap pile up and not even realize it sometimes? Hello yard sale! I have a ton of stuff I'll be saying goodbye to and I'm about to tackle the two rooms that have wound up being the biggest junk collectors. Wish me luck ;) It feels nice for the rest of the house to be so clutter free right now. It's much more relaxing and takes WAY less time to pick up each day. I have NOWHERE to go tomorrow thankfully, so I plan on tackling at least one room then. I'm just praying J will actually SLEEP tomorrow! We've had trouble with that lately.

On a deeper note, I am having trouble getting up as early as I would like to. It's hard to get J to go to sleep when I want him to and that puts me in bed later than I like. And when my body doesn't get all the sleep it needs, I have THE hardest time waking up. It stinks. I wish I was a natural morning person. I'm just not. BUT even though 530am isn't happening, I definitely have benefited from rising earlier than the rest of the house to have some quiet time. I'm really enjoying the book I'm using as my study. It's definitely making me think before I act or speak. It's making me realize the oodles and oodles of things I have to be thankful for. It's also reassuring me that it's okay to struggle sometimes and it's how I deal with those struggles that is important. I FEEL so much better lately. Giving my day over to Him each and every morning has done wonders for my mood and outlook for the day. I'm still having days where I wanna scream, but I get through them without the tears and actual screaming now. That's been a huge blessing. I'm starting to remember what it was like when I first believed. The faith, the hope, the true joy that flowed so naturally from my heart. It's starting to feel so good and it is so right. The love I know is shining down on me is no longer blocked by my own storm clouds. Stepping out of my own way has been huge the past couple of weeks. HUGE! Laying everything at His feet and totally surrendering my hurts has been amazing. I feel like smiling again, and laughing, and tickling my boys, and chasing them through the house, and playing games with them, and hugging and kissing and snuggling my husband. I WANT to go outside, I want to be around people.... maybe not everyday, but most days. And that's a giant step for me.

I don't grimace at the thought of church anymore. That's amazing. I grimaced for awhile... a long while. People were at church. I didn't wanna see people. The Lord filled the place too. That was too much. But not anymore. Now, I'm looking forward to it. Tonight we start our Beth Moore study, Breaking Free. And I truly can't wait. I have a minor list of things I'd like to be free from. Don't we all?

And last of all... one of our friends just had their third baby girl this morning. We went and visited and got to peek into the nursery and oh boy or girl, my heart just couldn't take it! I NEEDED another one of those teensy tiny bundles to take home with me.RIGHT.THEN. Oh me. Is it time for another one yet? Would it be too soon? I don't think it would ;) Daddy-o is ready... I think I could be too! Oh heavens, I love me some babies! Maybe I'll just keep havin' 'em til I'm old...

3 comments:

  1. I'm so happy to hear that you're doing better. I have Beth Moore's daily devotional "Breaking Free Day by Day", and it's pretty good. I'd love to hear what you think of the Bible study.

    I could just have babies until the Lord closes my womb too. We're still hoping and praying for more. :0)

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  2. Soooo glad you are doing the Beth Moore study! :)

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  3. Glad you are feeling better and that you are getting though the rough times with the help of the lord... You can be the next duggers.... :)

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I am so happy you are here. Your words make my heart so happy.

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