Friday, March 19, 2010

home

It has been on mind my like crazy lately, for the past several months. More than usual. More than before.

Home.

How my heart longs to be close to family.

I used to be fine and happy with just living here. Eight hours away from where I'm from. A tiny town called Muldrow, Oklahoma. I loved it there. NEVER thought I would leave, until I met the love of my life and we moved here to Abilene, Texas. He joined the Air Force and that's what brought us here. Ministry has kept us here. Toby works for our church and has for nearly four years now. It's a great job and a great place to call our church home.
 {my childhood homes are directly behind those water towers}

But my soul is aching for a different home. A home close to my Mom. My Nanny and Papa. My Brother and Sister-In-Law. My In-Laws and all Toby's nieces and nephews. His Brothers and Sisters and their spouses. My own cousins and Aunt and Uncle. I miss them ALL something fierce.
 {going down the mountain, just below the towers}

Even when my mom almost moved here (but stayed where she is for good reason) I was still okay with living away from our families. Lately, it's on my mind all.the.time. It won't quit. No matter how hard I try to NOT think about moving, it's there. In my head. It's like the thought just won't go away, no matter how much I will it to. I've been praying about it and so has my mom. And as much as I want to be closer to family, I know that sometimes God's answer is No. I'm not sure yet what His answer will be about this, but I do know that my heart aches to be with family. And it is hard for me to discern God's will from my own thoughts.

With family near, the kids will be able to grow up close to their grandparents and cousins like I did. I literally lived next door to my grandparents nearly my whole childhood. Oh how I loved that. I'm not saying that I want a house next door to my mom and nanny and papa, but I would like to live a bit closer than eight hours away. Like an hour away at the most. That's still home for the holidays and special occasions and weekends where the boys can go to Nana's or Mamoo's and hang out with them. Weekends where I can ask for help because the week before I was at the brink of my sanity about to lose it.
{looking up the road, just to the right of my mom's driveway}

It would be a village helping to raise our little family. How great that would be. It's hard living so far away. It always has been for me. Even in those times where I didn't think about moving and I was happy being here. There has always been hard times. Like when I'M sick. I still take care of the family. Living close to home would mean someone could come get the kids without me feeling so guilty or wondering what time I should pick them up because I don't want to be a burden. Same with when I have appointments. Same with when I want to clean in peace without having a mess made everywhere I've just cleaned. (Although I do realize that just comes with the territory of having kids :) ).
{the cellar I grew up playing on}

Yes, if we did ever move, there would be friends we would miss terribly. Friends we consider like family. But maybe, my heart wouldn't ache so much. We'll see where God leads us, I guess.

{my new favorite photo}

1 comment:

  1. I wish you could move back too! I know God will show you his plan. We need to get together this summer when you come visit! Hope you're feeling well.

    ReplyDelete

I am so happy you are here. Your words make my heart so happy.

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