Tuesday, March 30, 2010

it's a start

These past two days have been simply amazing. These two days have been better than the past two MONTHS. And I have loved it. Yesterday was so great. I ran some errands, got some new material, then went to the store with Toby to pick up some dinner. We cooked it together yesterday and it was so nice. We watched a few tv shows together, then went to bed together [at the same time].

Tonight we did the same, except for the going to the store first part. I put a whole chicken in the oven around 1:30 today to have it ready by dinner time. He cooked the veggies for us on the grill (yum!!). We had a nice dinner. I got it all cleaned up and now we have the rest of the evening to just chill. We'll watch a favorite show tonight. But just one. He'll work on some business stuff he needs to catch up on. I'm going to finish some sewing projects I started and didn't get to finish. And then I think I will catch up a little on my Beth Moore study. Then we'll hit the sack and just enjoy each others company.

We've been very purposeful to hug more these couple of days. To touch more (like hand holding, or arm touching, or placing a hand on the other's back). To be extra kind and look at each other more. And just talk and share more. It's helping already. But I know that we're not 'fixed' or totally back to where we want to be. Not even close. But this is the start, the beginning. And I love it. I love that it's like starting fresh because we chose to do so instead of waiting til it was too late or almost too late. We decided together a long time ago that divorce was never going to be an option. And that verbal and mental and heart felt decision we made has helped us through these past 9+ years. It's helped us to take a step back and look at the situation and see when something is wrong. And be able to start working on our problem areas together and with the Lord.

We have also been purposeful in spending time with the boys and in our discipline. And let me tell you, our second son can be a very difficult personality to deal with. It's very easy to lose patience with him and lose my temper. We're making it a point to not yell and keep our cool at all times. And it is hard, but I know it'll be worth it in the end.

All in all, these past two days have just been what I needed. And as a prime time tv-holic, it's been THE best thing for me to cancel my Netflix (remember we don't have cable or satellite either). I have gotten so much more accomplished and it's been nice having a fairly clean house. Also, because we only have an antenna (and one tv), the boys don't watch tv either. They are allowed one movie about every other day or so. Usually when we need to get something done, or when we want to watch a movie ourselves. But they aren't allowed to do so in the evenings. So really, Kanyon watches more than Taylan since he's home three days a week. But gosh, sometimes letting him watch a movie is a break for me from the constant chatter that kid has :) He talks more than his Daddy, and that's saying something!! Seriously, it is easy to let myself get annoyed with his constant talking. I have to stop and remind myself that he's still learning about the world around him and he's only five. It's easy to forget, especially when I'm tired.

I love my family so much and I want us to be close knit. And I want us to be God focused and Christ centered.

Now I'm off to reward myself for cleaning the front of the house today with some sewing! Seriously, I had to wear Jonyn, but I even mopped today :) That's a big deal around here!!

Peace out my homies...

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