Friday, April 16, 2010

I'd like a do-over, please...

This week has brought tons of craziness into our house. Maybe there's something in the air? I dunno. What I do know, however, is that this has been one tough week! This week has put all my parenting skills to the test! A sick baby. A big boy who's decided crying is the best method to communicate. A second boy who thinks minding Mom is out of the question. Also, my house is a WRECK! It was clean. And I was keeping it that way [mostly]. Then we got back from our trip and well, the house is all messy, and everyone's been acting nutty. My dirty house seems to make me a little crazier and a little more stressed. Maybe it's affecting the boys too. Taylan has recently been melting down over EVERYTHING! Apparently he thinks nothing can be solved by talking it out anymore. He used to be good at just telling us what he needed to, now... he cries. I wonder if he is feeling like that's the only way we will SEE him at the moment. Maybe more quality time is needed. Kanyon just doesn't want to listen and obey. EVERYTHING is a HUGE battle. huge. We've been butting heads all week. He has also become the king of excuses. There's a reason why he can't do ANYTHING! There's also the fact that the older two will.not.stop.fighting. It's draining. All the arguing and tattling, and being mean. And then, the baby. Oh the baby. He's been sickly the first part of this week. He's been clingy. And I'm pretty sure he has not slept all night long in his bed at all this week. Which is interfering with my sleep. I don't want to be a sleep snob, but I KINDA AM! I like to go to bed and sleep instead of wrestle with a toddler who wakes up every hour looking for my hair to twirl. I kid you not, people, lately he sleeps with his arms wrapped around my head so he can play with my hair!

What does all this amount to? One cranky Mom. A Mom who has not been kind with her words. Who has not been encouraging when she speaks. A Mom who wants to throw in the towel and move far far away from reality. I have yelled a lot this week. I have actually told one of my children to go away. I have been flustered and frustrated and angry and on the verge of tears. Ugh, I've been a horrible Mom this week. A Mom who wonders what the heck she is doing. It feels like I am doing everything wrong. And in some respects, I am.

Then I came across THIS this morning. Go ahead, read it now... I am still always astounded by the fact that God sends little messages to us when we need them through everyday moments (or blogs). So I read that and realized that some of what she said is what I feel and what I'm going through. I think I agree that I need to first work on me. That I am SO flawed and I need to try to change the way I speak to my boys. Frustrated though I may be, I need to remember to speak encouragement and not spew anger towards them. It is a very hard thing for me to do. Why? I have no idea. Maybe because I'm stuck in a rut and the dark voices inside my head are telling me that yelling and being hateful are the only way to get through to my children and make them mind. I MUST change this. I have to.

My challenge to me is to NOT speak a work of negativity to my boys for the rest of the weekend. This is to extend to my husband as well. I will only speak encouraging and uplifting words, or I will NOT speak at all. (I'm only saying through the weekend, because giving myself far away deadlines is overwhelming for me and seems more impossible. One weekend feels much more doable. Afterwards, I'll extend it through the next week, and so on). I have to change my way of thinking and speaking. My kids need to feel loved and welcomed, not turned away and despised.

I love them. And now I need to SHOW them that I love them. 

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