Friday, December 30, 2011

if I could type out the sound of a sigh...

 {christmas morning}

My family came to visit us this week. It was so good to see them, like so amazing, I can't put it into words. I needed the visit more than they know.

But now. They've left. And all I have is tears and clean laundry and the smell of my Mom's hair and happy memories. I wish we could see them more often.

I was so thrilled when we moved where we are, but it's now further from where they are. And some days I just want to move home. Lately, many days I want that. To not really know anyone in this town is so hard. I miss my friends. I miss going to my BFFs house at the last minute, calling her to go to the store for no real reason, letting our kids drive each other crazy instead of us.

I miss people. Stay at home Moms, we see little people every.single.day. I go days where I only talk to Toby after he's off work. And sometimes it's such short conversations. I miss people. friends.

Things have been so rough lately, I can't even tell you. I would scare you. Lots of tears fall.

p.s. I used to feel normal.

Also, my neighbors with the four dogs in the backyard that bark a lot are moving out. Appears to be just to another house in town since they've made several trips the past few days with the tiniest moving truck ever. I never even met them. Our dogs met, though, when my dumb basset/beagle decided she should crawl under the fence to say hi. And, oh, stay. Until I bribed her with food, that is. Stupid.

It's that time for goals and resolutions.

Oh wait, I don't make those. Besides, I'm too tired. This baby is draining me. I just don't know how I'm going to handle five kids, especially if my husband goes back for a second degree.

I mean, will this one be easy, like Brennen? hard, like Jonyn? somewhere in the middle? Five kids. I'm grateful and scared out of my freakin' mind at the same time. Equal portions of thanks and freaked. Sure, go ahead and say "God's got it under control" and all that. Yep, that'll totally make me feel better.

...

here's where I type out the sound of a deep unsettled sigh.




1 comment:

I am so happy you are here. Your words make my heart so happy.

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