Thursday, January 26, 2012

number 5 at 18 weeks and some random thoughts

I had my 18 week appointment with the midwife this morning. All is well. I get a little nervous going in each time. It's strange.

I know I shouldn't think like this, but I'm having my surprise 5th baby and wonder how healthy the little peanut will be. Is it possible to be blessed with 5 perfectly healthy children? Is it possible to have just one more that rarely gets sick, that is born perfect, that is just completely.... healthy? Is God so gracious? Even if I don't deserve it?

I just feel more anxious this time around. I don't want these thoughts, but there are always at the back of my mind. Especially when one day I feel all the tiny kicks and flips this baby is providing. Then the next day, I don't feel any.

But this morning, while she had the little doppler thing out to hear the heartbeat, the baby was so clearly flipping and punching and kicking and he was sitting at the front of my uterus where the midwife could actually feel him. or her.

And that's a whole 'nother thing. I have no motherly instincts about the sex of this baby. none. which is weird. I knew the first three were boys. The last one, I totally thought was a girl. And this time, I just don't know. No clue. But it's okay. I guess.

We have a sono in about a week and a half. We're still deciding whether to find out. Toby said he thought the birth would be more exciting if we had to wait to find out until he was born. or she. I, on the other hand, kinda want to know. I mean, it's already going to be a homebirth, it doesn't get much more exciting for me than that.

And come on, a homebirth is exciting for many reasons. And I can say this after having four non-homebirths. The best reason for me is no i.v.'s, which means not being poked 5 different times because they can't get the vein, or because my veins keep exploding. true story. i even passed out. Also, there's the whole annoying hospital stay where it's the middle of the night, you finally fall asleep, and someone comes in to check your bp and take your blood and it's 4am. yeah, none of that. And, too, the checkout process is a painful one, bleh. Happy to be avoiding that.

Also, no one is rushing you to get the baby out. Or in my case more than once, telling you to hold it in because the doctor is not inside the hospital. Yeah, that's the worst feeling ever. Plus, no pitocin to make the contractions hurt more. That'll be nice. Laboring with pitocin and no drugs, ouch. I've done that, too. And p.s. no painful pitocin means I won't feel like I need the epidural so bad. Which means no numb legs and no giant needle. And no not being able to move for hours.

Also, I can labor in any position I feel comfortable, I don't have to lie flat on my back. Good news.

And hey, I watched the movie The Business of Being Born on Netflix. And uh, I was kinda shocked by some of those statistics. Had I seen that (or rather had it been out) before my first was born, I mighta done things quite a lot different. I recommend giving it a watch. It was fascinating, except for all the naked laboring women. But I get it. However, I will be wearing some sort of clothing while I wander around my house laboring. Jus' sayin'.

As nervous as I am about this wee one not being perfectly healthy, I'm excited about the environment in which she will be born. or he.



p.s. I also loved the movie Babies. Call me a sucker for movies like that.

1 comment:

  1. YAY! I'm so glad you're planning a homebirth!!! Kudos. I homebirthed my two kiddos and so glad I did! If you EVER EVER need words of encouragement, any advice, etc, my midwife is from DeLeon and I can give you her info. She truly is amazing. firstlightmidwife.com

    ReplyDelete

I am so happy you are here. Your words make my heart so happy.

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