Monday, August 13, 2012

stay today

Today has been really really great. I'm sitting here right now with the two littles napping, the two bigs occupied in their room, and the Jonyn playing in front of me. I have Salisbury Steak on the stove, Twice Baked Potatoes in the oven, ground beef draining for Lasagna tomorrow, and Meatloaf ready to cook for another day all happening in my kitchen. I have some songs from my high school days playing in the background. My surfaces are cluttered, but the floors are clean. The trash needs to go out. again. a million times a day.

Today I let go of some of my insecurities and need for control when it comes to the boys. I feel like I took a giant step. This baby has not brought on the blues, no, just extra emotions. I feel angry at silly stuff, and I cry a lot when prompted by something or someone. Today I gave myself permission to not be so stern, to have more than that "I don't care" attitude. It's easy for me to say the boys, "not right now," in nearly any situation. Today I put that piece of my selfishness aside and let them tell me the stories I've already heard, the stories that are about meaningless things. Even though, they matter to the boys. So, I listened.

I sorted and purged the toddler room again today. Only I got serious about it this time. If it didn't fit into the six wire cubby thing, it didn't get to stay in the room. The kids lost about half their broken and unplayed with toys. Half way through, the baby woke. He was eating, and Jo came in there with a brush and a water bottle and started wetting my hair and brushing it. Two other boys joined in the brushing while I sat in the floor and fed the baby.

I realized I should be in their rooms more often. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed them. All of them. Very much. Learning to see that my kids don't do things to purposely change my mood or irritate is a big deal. My head knew this, but my heart is just now catching up.

Jo had a lot of time outs today. When he was born, the older kids were no longer needing time out, so when became old enough for it, I didn't use that method of discipline. We brought time outs back today. Seems to be working better than a spank on the heinie. So I will continue to be consistent.

And I will continue to work on myself and my shoddy parenting skills.

Today, if it could stay awhile, and if I could be this me and improve upon her often, that would be okay with me.

4 comments:

  1. Beautiful day Brooke. Sounds like you're off to a great start of these few days of single-parenting it.

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  2. So glad to hear that you had a great day. It's amazing what can happen when we force ourselves to be present with our kids. I have a really hard time letting go of things too.

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  3. This post makes me feel warm and fuzzy.....and hopeful that good days can happen after having a baby. we just had our third about 3 weeks ago and it's been a roller coaster. but I love what you say here. good reminders here for me.

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I am so happy you are here. Your words make my heart so happy.

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