Saturday, September 15, 2012

full of words

I just emailed a friend today and told her how I miss my blog. And how my heart has so much to say but the time is just not there.

Five boys.
Two homeschooled.
A three year old who is just thisclose to being too much for me to handle (he deserves his own post) (also, he's entirely too smart).
A two year old that does everything the three year old does.
And a nursing baby. Who's growing right now and eating a ton.
 {^by Kanyon}
Usually before I know it, it's nearly dinnertime and that's when everyone in this house needs something or starts melting down. Then before I know it again, it's bedtime, and then I'm too tired but cleaning up the mess from the day has to be done, so I do it. Dishes. Floors. Tables.

Today I should be cleaning, but I'm here because the baby is sleeping and the boys are quietly playing and reading. And it's raining that glorious drizzly rain that makes the perfect sound and smells so good.
I've come to the realization that if my hands are busy during the day, I'm much more able to keep calm during our frustrating homeschool moments. So I do laundry. And I did so much the other day that every stitch of dirty laundry was washed, folded, and put away. Now I'm staying on top of it. But it's forcing me to find other ways to keep my hands busy. I wish I could blog and school at the same time. But no such luck. I can't be engulfed in something that makes me block out other things around me.

I'm kind of a strict unfun parent. I want to move past it, but it's hard. Small steps, though. Today, I made Nutella hot chocolate and gave the boys some with a cookie. an hour before lunch. Small steps.

I got out a notebook the other day to carry around with me. Because I always have thoughts and words swirling around in my head. I need to get them out. I'm trying to leave it on the counter next to a pen so I can write stuff down as it comes to me. I'm not doing very good, but will make a better effort next week. It's like talking through things with someone when I can write stuff down. Even though I miss having an actual someone to talk to, like in person. I love that we moved almost a year ago. I don't love that we moved away from people I love. But I'm trying to make friends, sorta. It's not my strong suit. I'm just not good at it. I know I come off rude and standoffish. It's just hard for me.
Last night, a super sweet couple that we know happened to be at the same movie theater we were in for date night (without the baby!) and bought our snacks. I love nice people. I love when people are generous for no reason except to be generous. I look forward to the day, when my kids are grown, and I see a couple with young kids, and I can do something similar for them.

And also. my baby Grey will be ten weeks old tomorrow. Did it go by fast for you too?

4 comments:

  1. I secretly believe that the chicks with the crazy awesome and updated blogs, homeschool, craft & cook fancy meals are aliens from the planet Overachiever and should be avoided at all cost. Comparison is the thief of joy! :) I love you and I miss you. I am perfectly content with stalking your instagram and the pic filled blog posts that you have time for. The last time I blogged was February and I have a single, easy child. You are wonder woman in my eyes! I love you and miss your face!

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  2. ...and Dana said it all for me. :)

    I miss you terribly. And yes the 10-weeks flew by. I HAVE to squeeze baby Grey soon!!

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  3. ^agreed, and agreed! Come see us!! We NEED to squeeze that baby!

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  4. I feel every word you say here deep down inside of me - because I feel the same way - except with "only" 3 kids. 2 dramatic girls and 1 over energetic little boy. and 2 homeschooled. and hanging on by a thread to nursing the infant because I struggle with milk production and hate myself for it. and I struggle to make new friends, too, because I come off rude and stand-offish too. and maybe that was too much information but I'm so glad I stopped by here to know I'm not the only one!

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I am so happy you are here. Your words make my heart so happy.

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