Tuesday, July 2, 2013
lately, like the past several, several days, this mood has taken over me. i'm not sure what it is. i'm trying to discern it. rather, i'm trying to let God show me what it is. i'm trying to to open up my heart big and let him work and mold and shape and love and hold and be God. i pray daily for joy. i really do. i still don't feel it, like truly truly feel joyful. but most days i feel more content than a year ago. most days i enjoy my kids and my daily tasks. but the last three or four days, oh man. i just can't even describe how i feel. nothing can satisfy me, nothing makes me smile, nothing makes me happy. i just ain't feelin' it. so i pray in the mornings for God to change that and make me joyful. i pray i can keep my eyes and my heart set on him. i pray that i can do all these daily mundane mommy tasks with love and joy, as though i'm serving God, not man (eph. 6:7, col. 3:23). all while at the same time having a servant's heart towards my family and those i encounter in my day. i'm trying to keep my focus upward, i'm trying to allow God to mold me and cut off those branches in my life that aren't producing good fruit (john 15:2). i want to be used by God. i want to feel joy. i want to feel content. i want to be love and show love and be kind to everyone.
so this is my mission today. put on a smile, even when it feels wrong. do the dishes with gratitude, for we have food for our bellies. wash the clothes with joy, for my children are warm. speak kindness, even when my heart feels mean. listen to my boys, even when i long for quiet solitude. and most importantly, i will keep my eyes upward to the One who loves me and desires for me to keep my heart focused on him. because in doing so, i can truly become who he desires me to be today and serve others with joy, gratitude, love, and a genuine smile.
today, i will live on purpose and not focus on this mood and let God's love wash over me and serve with gladness.