fifteen years.

crazy that it has been that long since i went on a first date. it was my last first date. the date that led me to where i am today. married for 13 1/2 years, with five boys, in a state that is not my home state. this has been a coaster of a ride, with ups and downs, and twists and turns. some things you don't see coming, like moving away from home. or falling head over heals in love with Jesus. or two miscarriages following two perfect pregnancies. or five boys and no daughter. or birth control meds messing up life so badly, i went almost insane. or post-partum anger/depression. or losing my faith and finding it again. or being redeemed. or homeschooling. or not loving motherhood all the time. or finding that amazing joy-filled marriage and the contentedness of mommydom, finally. 

for years, plural, i was a broken mess, wondering why Jesus made me wrong, wondering if he messed up, if he made a mistake in making me, let alone making me a mom. but my husband loved me through it all. he stayed when i was at my lowest, when i barely left my bedroom. he pressed on and powered through, and put up with my out of control emotions and actions. Jesus never left me either. in fact, God doesn't make mistakes, no i was one of his perfect plans (not to be mistaken with a perfect person). i was planned and loved long before i came to be. it says so in psalm 139. my Father has loved me at my most broken times, and i am ever so grateful he also placed beside me a husband never willing to give up on us.

marriage ain't easy. it's work. but it's fun... family days, and date nights, and hot married sex, and jokes, and laughing, and conversation, and hugs, and giving, and serving one another. it's good y'all. marriage is good when you put forth that effort. and my marriage, it is so much better than just good.