Wednesday, June 25, 2014

some days.

yesterday was h a r d.
at one point, i actually went and crawled back in bed. under the covers. tears on the verge.
the baby (really, a toddler) is always into stuff. always.
often times, i'll find myself cleaning up one of his destructive messes only to
turn around and see he's making another one.
greyson's a busy kid. he'll be two in a matter of weeks
(but don't worry, i already know three is the hardest age from plenty of experience).

yesterday, though. 
let's just delete that day from the mom history books. i did not do well. i was craving
that sacred alone time in my house. (that's the introvert part of me yelling to be catered to.)

my family is ten hours away. and my second family (the ones who took Toby and me in as wee
parentlings) is two and a half hours away. and still, after over two years here, 
i have yet to find a motherly figure who actually wants to mother me and grandmother my boys.
i will. one day. 
or maybe i'll hire a nanny.
and pay her in cookies and brownies. all paleo and sugar and grain free, of course.
because is there any other way to bake? um, no.

when we lived in abilene, my second Mom treated us just like her very own family. she had three
nearly grown boys when we met her. and i was just barely pregnant with my first boy.
i was a baby having a baby at 20 years old.
but she took us under her wing. and we became super close.
and she became an instant mom and grandma to us.
i am so thankful for those first ten years of parenting with her being there.
(yes, i would have loved my mom [and mom-in-law] to have been able to do all those
grandma things for us, but we just didn't live near them.)

the boys call her KK and GG is her husband. and they would happily watch the boys
for us anytime we needed some time to get out of the house, or to just be.
now, being away from "family," i miss it and i see i might have taken all of that for granted.

i am a true introvert. in fact, i have the rarest of personality types, INJF. being all introverty,
i need my alone time and my space sometimes. and i prefer it to be in my own home,
though with five boys, two dogs, a cat, and a husband, it is not always possible. so KK was 
a big help when i was at my wit's end and needed to drop the boys (we had four at the time) off with
her just to breathe at home for a little while.

i still dream of living closer to family. maybe not next door. maybe not thirty minutes away. 
i'll take being a couple hours away. that's close enough for them to call and say, "we'd love the boys for the weekend, what do you think?"
imagine all i could get done at home with a weekend free from cleaning up toddler
mess after toddler mess. 

friends, you may not get along with your family all the time, but if you live close to them, 
please don't take it for granted. it's a blessing. and if you happen to be lucky enough, like we were, 
to find a motherly figure, hold on tight to her. let her mother your family.
let her watch your kids. DO NOT feel guilty or resistant to the help.
and if you are older, seeing a young mother who needs mothering, just go for it. do it. 
take her lunch. or a latte. watch her babies. be her blessing. be her break, let her catch her breath
and remember who she is. 

i feel like sometimes, we moms with kids still in diapers just need to get through the diaper stage,
through the threes, and just past the fours to feel like we can really do this gig. 
i appreciate all the little breaks and alone time i had with my first four (i had grey after we moved),
it made me feel like myself for just a little while, once or twice a month.

and if i had a nanny that worked for cookies, or mint dark chocolate coconut butter cups, 
all i would want or need is once or twice a month where the kids were taken to the park
or somewhere out of the house.

i love them, and love being home with them. but some days, like yesterday, are super hard
and have me dreaming of being near family, blood-related and heart-related.

1 comment:

  1. Man! I don't know you personally but I sure love ya! Your words speak to me!


I am so happy you are here. Your words make my heart so happy.


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