Wednesday, December 3, 2014

baby 6. 12 weeks.

welp, that first tri has flown by. this is the last week before the second trimester starts.
whew. because i had terrible nausea, food aversions, and exhaustion.
i mean, yes, i'm still pretty darn tired.
like, 1pm, and my eyelids start hatin' and stop staying open. serious. it's brutal.
especially with a toddler, whom by the way is into all. the. things. allthetime.
because that means i can't get in a nap. he is 2 1/2 and still won't sit for even one 
episode of anything. 

earlier this week, i tried to bring him into my bed with brennen and turn on 
Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood (cutest show). the episodes are around 20 minutes.
twenty. that's not long. but would the kid stay in my bed, let alone my room,
so my blasted eyelids could do their thang? nope. so momma can't rest.
usually, he goes and snoops for food. it's like i don't feed him. 
he scavenges. fridge. pantry. counters. cabinets for momma's hidden special chocolate.
true story. and if it's not food he's after, it's scissors. or paint. or markers.
or the wipes. why are the wipes so fun to destroy for these toddler creatures?

i also had my first midwife appointment last week. we'll be seeing the same midwife
that narrowly delivered greyson and having another homebirth 
with this wee babe. my bp was good. i have always had good bp, and i'm uber thankful for that.
and {her} heartbeat was great, around 160. i went to the appointment alone, 
so i recorded it for daddy, and other family members, since they all live so far away.
it's such a precious sound.

when i first found out i was pregnant {again} i was in the bathroom and nearly hyperventilated
and seriously thought i was going to pass out. like, i was bracing myself for the fall. 
i was wigging out just a bit, thinking about how much i did not want to go through another
miserable pregnancy. (backstory: with greyson, i was dealing with ppd right before i got pregnant 
with him, and all during the pregnancy and for a short while after his birth. two years worth.).
but honestly, i have overcome the ppd, although, like anyone who has suffered any kind of depression, 
sometimes, that ugliness pops up out of the blue and lingers for just a short time.
and holy cow, can depression also have physical symptoms. those were terrible.
but, thankfully, and by the grace of God, i have overcome it for the most part
 and don't feel down in the dumps every single day.

i was also wigging out because i have been looking forward to having the little ones be bigger.
all of them. at the same time. and those feelings came about during the end of my fourth pregnancy.
i have been ready for my dependent wee babes to become less dependent.
i'm not talking, hey kids, cook your own food all the time, and take yourselves where you need to go,
and wash all of your own clothes, and yeah, go get a job as soon as you turn five. by the way, rent is due at the first of the month.
i'm talking, just go entertain yourselves long enough for momma to nap. or craft. or sew a quilt.
or do one thing without having to pause eleventy times for random things that kids think they need
you know what i'm talking about, yes?

but now, this baby is 12 weeks (tomorrow). and i have had 8 weeks to think about it and let it sink in 
and dream about that newborn smell, the fuzzy newborn head, the swollen little eyes,
the curled up froggy legs, and the little nursling that she will be.
and that, the she, the what if it's actually a she.

i feel in my gut the baby is a girl. i have since very early on.
(side note: i knew all my kids were boys except one. so my odds are good here.)
and if it's a girl. oh gosh. i can't even. i just can't.
so, we shall see come february.

next appointment is december 17th. and you know, it's the holidays and all, so this whole month 
is about to zoom on by, which means, it really won't feel like that long to wait for the gender sono
once the holidays have flashed on by.

as of today, now, i am happy and thrilled and excited that we're having another baby. 
and especially since another baby i know will be born shortly before and they will be bffs.
i just know it.

 {nov. 11. 8wks 5days. but it's mostly flubber, and that is what i still look like at 12 weeks.
my uterus seriously ballooned fast and made regular pants hurt early on. but it's still tiny and snug
down close to my pelvis, so the belly you see here is belly flab. wait a few more weeks
and i'll be able to show you baby belly. um, hopefully.}

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