Sunday, May 8, 2016

standing on her own.

How much changes in a month's time, right?! Man oh man. Especially in these earliest of years. This first year, even more especially. Babies go from not being able to do anything except eat, blink, cry, and poop. And somehow frog their legs back and forth, one at a time, in a way that makes putting pants on feel impossible. But they can't hold their head up or make actual decisions or move their limbs on purpose.

Then bam! crawling and standing and walking and mimicking sounds and dancing like it's their job! It's an amazing growth process that is just so incredibly fast. One month, Ruby can barely pull herself up, and she definitely cannot pull up and then bend back down to pick something up, that's too complicated. But then, the next, she's pulling up, bending down to pick things up, AND letting go to stand on her own! It's so fast. Like, whoa.

And every single step of the way, we're just over her being her cheer section, clapping, and yay-ing, and telling her good job, and just absorbing this tiny human while she goes from newborn to infant and presses on into toddler hood. Still so tiny, but my, how she's grown since the day she was birthed in my bedroom.

We don't get everything on film, because, well, not everything is predictable, but we try to etch it into our minds. Like how yesterday, I stood her in the floor after a nursing session, she stayed standing as I walked around her and called her to me. One small step and then a trusting fall forward into my arms. The same again this morning. The first two solo steps in her tiny life, not caught on film of any kind, but caught in my heart and in my throat. These first steps are the last first steps for our babies. This first Mother's Day having a daughter to celebrate is my last first with a new baby around. So much bittersweetness. I'm grateful. My heart is full. She is just the best gift this year.

I won't be the one spouting off that I need alone time today. I much prefer to take it the day before then spend today at home with my crew, even if that just looks like me dozing in and out on the couch with the tv on and the baby napping. That's my kind of Mother's Day. Usually, I'd rant about wishing they'd clean the house for me and just leave it clean for a time, but not this year. This time, I'm just happy to have them all here, happy that they're so happy to run to the mall for my requested "meal" of a cookie cake for us all to share. I don't need much, except for them to know I love them. And for my moms, all my mom figures, to know I love them, too. I'm not the fastest or first to text, call, or FB, but when I do, it comes from my heart. I'm not good with greeting cards, either, but I love all the mom figures in my life: my own mom, that I'd be lost without, my Nanny, who I'd be equally lost without. My mom in law, whom I love like my own mom because after all these years, she is my mom, too. Karen, who filled a mom void when I started having babies so far away from my own mom and is another mom to me. So many women who didn't birth me (and the one who did) that I am attached to and grateful for their love and kindness and support. Without them, gosh, without them, I'd be so lost.

And while it be Mother's Day, I want to say THANK YOU to my husband and kids, because they have to put up with me day in and day out, and without them, I am nothing at all. The Lord knew what he was doing when He organized my crazy life.

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