The last sixteen years (the length of my whole marriage) I have been doing our bills and budget and everything that goes along with that. I actually really enjoyed doing the checkbook and making the budget each pay period and determining what gets spent where. That was my jam!! But over the last 3-4 years, I started loathing budget day. So bad that I slacked hard core on doing it half the time. I hated it. It was the bane of my existence. Or so it seemed, at least on actual budget day. I avoided talking about our money with Toby (unless he asked), I just hated it. In fact, I had a panic attack over money one day. And last year was the hardest on us financially in our whole marriage and that did not help me in the "hating finances" department. And I knew the Lord was telling us to get our crap together because we were not being good stewards in this area of our lives. I was having such anxiety over it all. My heart would race just thinking about finances. I would literally wake up in the middle of the night several times a week just thinking about bills and finances in general and stay awake for hours. I told Toby sometime last year, that if he ever wanted to take it over, I wouldn't mind. However, for some reason, part of me just held onto it, like it was my favorite teddy bear, but smelled like poop. So I was keeping it, because it was mine, but at arms length.
Then, our church decided to offer the Financial Peace University class and I KNEW we should take it (again), though I also knew I would need to change my wayward habits. Week one of the class asks you to go home and make a budget that week. So we did, the day before the next class. Toby wanted to work on it, and I was like, noooooo, cut me with a spoon instead!!!! But we did it. And homeboy actually woke up early the next day, skipped the gym, and WORKED ON THE BUDGET SOME MORE. What? Who is this guy?!
Over the next couple of days, it was clear he was actually enjoying this whole budget business. Oh my word, you should see the extensive spreadsheet that now exists! His nerdy nerd is coming out strong and I couldn't be more proud or more relieved! It had long been time to pass the torch but neither of us were quite close enough to get a grip or to let it go.
But then we arrived at the same spot at the same time and THE TORCH WAS PASSED! I knew I was feeling burdened by the finances, but I didn't really understand how burdened until I didn't have to do them anymore. I feel like the giant weight of being a terrible finance manager(ish) has been lifted. I'M FREEEEEE!
If you don't know much about Dave Ramsey or FPU, a quick google will help, but his method is the envelope system, where you basically use cash allotted to different areas of the budget, like gas, groceries, and entertainment, what have you. So I have now told Toby... just give momma cash for the weekly groceries, gas for my van, and a little burrito money and I'm a happy wifey. I will stick to your budget as long as I don't need to actually do it and I get my burrito moneys. Also, I may want five dollars for the Target dollar spot.
(Mind you, we never fight about money. We always talk about our big purchases. We NEVER hide purchases from each other. I H A T E those memes that say they hope the delivery guy drops off the packages before the husband gets home. How deceitful. We're very open and honest. Why would I hide purchases to willingly cause contention in our marriage? Neither of us are controlling over the other when it comes to buying small things.)
Sometime over this last year-ish, my husband has become even more of a servant in our home. Like, how could he even do more than he already did? But somehow, he is. He is serving us in a way I do not want to take for granted. I must remember to tell him more often how thankful I am. And now to serve our family by being our budget guru-manager-butt-kicker? Yeah, I'll keep him forevs.