Tuesday, August 8, 2017

worth.

Every now and then, I get caught up in this comparison trap. And worrying about who actually likes me and who doesn't. And if I measure up in this way or that way. And most of the time, I can quickly recognize that this is what I'm doing and squash it. Remind myself where my value is (in Jesus) and then I can easily and quickly quit giving a flying flip about who I do NOT measure up to based solely on who I am as a human. But a couple weeks back, I felt the Lord gently tug on my heart and open my eyes. I was letting myself get caught up again.

And here's where the dumb disclaimer lies: THIS IS *MY* STORY. I AM IN NO WAY SAYING YOU SHOULD DO WHAT I DO. THIS IS *MY* THING.
Okay, so I was getting caught up: was my makeup enough? were my shoes enough? how about my clothes? and what about my nails? None of these questions were me asking myself... "hey Self, what do you think about you? Self, do we like our nails this way? Do we like shoes like this? Also, Self, how we reealllly feelin' about this face full of makeup?" No. I was comparing myself to others and not truly realizing it til the tug on my heart strings alerted me. Thanks, Holy Spirit, I needed it.

So I stopped dead in my tracks and I DID ask myself all those questions. Who am I trying to please? Who am I concerned about? What difference does it make if I don't look TOP NOTCH every darn day? I like ME. I like who I am (most of the time). I like who I was designed to be. My family never asks why my makeup isn't perfect or why my hairs are crazy or if those shoes are the current style. No, actually, they just love ME. And humbling enough, I've had to wear "granny shoes" all summer because of some weird foot condition that dictates I either wear socks or leather, so I chose Wal-Mart sandals with leather soles. They are super comfy, and at first, I was like... Um. This will be looked down on.
What?
I know.

But then on Sunday (because church) I wore shoes that only made my sad feet hurt even more. I was suddenly caught up. Did they look cute? SHOOT YEAH! But did I wear them for me? Nope. I wore them because it's what other people are wearing. And I needed to measure up.

And yesterday, I let it happen again. Knowing where I was going, I put on a full face of makeup. And even as I was doing it, I realized, it was not for me. It was not for my family. It was not for Jesus. It was for making sure I was judged properly by others. So dumb, and I knew it, but just couldn't stop myself. I immediately washed it off after I was home.

What do *I* like? I like mascara, blush, and lips. I like looking natural. *I* like it. And the Lord pressed on me weeks ago, to stop worrying about it and do what I feel is right between Him and me. So I did. Til yesterday. And I went to bed with all of this on my mind, praying for a refreshed vision of who He says I am. I woke this morning with a fresh, blank face. I added mascara, blush, and lipstick, because it's what I like. I put on my flowy, non-form fitting dress.

What else do I like? Flats. Sandals that are flat. Shoes that are flat. Wedges are fun, but I feel like I can't do anything meaningful in them. I like flat, strappy sandals.

I like my loose comfy clothing. I like stretchy clothes, even if they don't make me look thinner. I don't care about looking thin. I mean.... I'll be honest, I'm struggling with being the "fat girl" in my circles right now, but also, I want to be comfortable, because that's what *I* like right now. Comfort.

I also like pleasing the Lord, and not man. I like being who I am without the stupid comparison. This morning, after my quiet time, my out loud words were this:

My worth is not in my face.
My worth is not in my shoes
My worth is not in my appearance.
My worth is not in my ministry.
My worth is not in my LuLaRoe business.
My worth is not even in motherhood or wifey-ness.

My worth is in Jesus.
My worth is in Jesus.
My worth is in Jesus.

I want to be aligned with Him and how he made me. Which means, I stop this silly comparison to other humans right now. Time is essentially wasted when I spend it wondering if I measure up. Because, really? I DO measure up. I measure up to the Holy One, the One who sacrificed EVERYTHING to allow me to be worthy.

Your struggle may not be where mine is, and THAT IS OKAY. We weren't created the same. Not visually, creatively, physically, mentally, emotionally. I do things differently than the next person. My personality is different than others, FOR SURE. And that is amazing! You do you, and find your value and your worth in Jesus alone.

Say it with me: comparison is dumb and super unproductive and does not please the Lord.

YOU are beautiful.
YOU are amazing.
YOU are strong.
YOU are YOU.
And YOU are full to the brim of worth and value in Jesus our Savior.
Be who He made you.

xoxo

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